The internet is trying to ruin Elden Ring for us! Just remember to avoid Reddit until Elden Ring drops, now that spoilers are out there...
Holy guacamole. Some young-uns on the net are spreading flippin' spoilers about the most exciting and anticipated game of the flippin' year. We're going to start with this: don't worry, there ain't going to be any spoilers here. Instead, it's time to for me to give you a rant worthy of the From Software Gods. Strap yourselves in, ladies and gentle humans, it's time for crud to get wild.
Look, the game's out on February 25, a little over a week from now and I'll tell you something: if you spoil this freakin' game for me, man, I will find you. It's simply not cool to spoil stuff, and I'm seriously unhappy about all of this. I mean, come on, why do people even go on Reddit nowadays? It's just a whole lot of bollocks, forking terrible memes, forking terrible people, and now there are forkin' Elden Ring spoilers. Utterly pointless.
Look, there's a lot of great things to know about Elden Ring before it launches. For example, if you want to get hyped, read ol' mates article on how Elden Ring will be the best game of all time. There's no need to surf through the grub and grot of Reddit, desperately searching for unfunny memes to share with your unfunny friends. Just read our articles. We're much cooler.
Elden Ring Has Been Spoiled
Eurogamer realised that the first intro-cutscene for Elden Ring has been posted on Reddit, along with a number of screenshots, and that this has now made its way onto YouTube. So! If you are a sadistic fork and want to be spoiled, knock yourself out. If you are not sadistic then perhaps you should just... take a break from social media? I mean, that crud's no good for you anyway. Take a weeks break from the internet. I certainly wish that I could but, sadly, it's kind of my job.
Elden Ring is going to be an amazing game, as a spiritual successor to Dark Souls, Demon Souls and Bloodborne. It will have hella-hard boss fights, a big open world, a great story, and a whole lot to love. There's seriously nothing to not be excited about. It's all amazing. Unless you get it spoiled for you and, if that happens by accident, I am truly, truly sorry.
That's why I wrote this article, though, to rant and insult people, but also to warn everyone that Elden Ring spoilers are out there. They are ubiquitous so - seriously - avoid the bloody internet. FromSoftware are presenting you with a brand new and (hopefully) fantastic open-world Souls-like, and we're all excited. So, again, be careful. Oh, and whoever spoiled this: what the fork, bro, that's not cool!